Wisdom Strategy Research Institute

This is adapted from Leslie Lebeau's (formerly Leslie Cameron Bandler) Self Concept Procedure that she distributed through FuturePace, Inc. in the mid to late 1980's.

You are the only person you have to wake up with every morning. How do you feel about this person you wake up with every morning?

How you feel about yourself determines the quality of your life experience. Nothing can make up for not liking yourself.

Indications of a Positive Self-Concept:

1) Defining oneself on the basis of positive attributes, assigned based on self evaluations.

2) Evaluating , changing, and contextualizing behaviors in ways that lead to feelings of self worth.

3) Experiencing self worth in all situations.

4) Maintaining criteria and behaviors that lead to positive experiences.

Another way to think of an attribute, is a belief about yourself.

Step 1 - Identify present concept of self.

A. Establish a dissociation - think of yourself as the person you wake up with and take care of everyday.

B. Describe this person that you wake up with everyday. What kind of person is he / she ? What are you using as evidence to know s(he) is that kind of person?

C. What kind of person is he / she not? How do you know he / she isn't that kind of person?

D. What is he / she not that you are glad he / she isn't? How do you know he / she isn't?

E, What would you like him / her to be? How will you know when he / she is?
What will that do for him/ her? What will that do for others?

Be sure you are using your own criteria and making your own evaluations to answer these questions, as far as you are concerned, regardless of anyone's opinion.

Step 2 Evaluate and change behaviors, as well as place behaviors into appropriate contexts.

The purpose of this step is to develop a self concept based on a positive set of attributes, and to provide a way to maintain feelings of positive self worth.

A. Claiming Your Positive Qualities

There are attributes and qualities that people identify with and manifest, yet do not assign to themselves because of some experience that seems contrary to that attribute.

1) Identify those events or examples of your behavior that are being used as evidence of NOT having a positive quality or attribute.

2) What circumstances produced the event or led you to behave the way you did? How is it possible that this occurred?

3) Were the contradictions the result of extenuating or extraordinary circumstances, or were they a mistake on your part?

4) If extenuating circumstances - what was your intention in the situation? What attribute is the intention a demonstration of?

5) If a mistake, imagine how you will behave differently in a similar situation next time. What is the positive attribute that is demonstrated by your new behavior?

B. Altering Your Evidence For Negative Attributes.

i) Identify a negative attribute (Can be from Step 1)
ii) What behavior or event are you using as evidence for having that negative attribute?
iii) When (in what situation) does the behavior or event occur?
iv) When does it NOT occur?
v) What are the factors that determine when the behavior occurs?
vi) What is important to you when the behavior occurs?

The point of Step B is to realize that the negative trait is a by product of a variety of factors, rather than a personality trait. This also makes it easier to change.

Repeat this will all of your negative attributes from step 1.

Then, for each of the negative qualities you'd been labeling yourself with prior to this exercise, think of which positive quality or sets of desired positive attribute you would rather express. A good place to start is often with the opposite quality of the negative attribute.

Next, use the steps in Step 2A above, followed by Step C for times you had that quality, (even for minor examples of the quality) followed by Step D below.

C. Strengthening Positive Attributes

Positive attributes can be built by attending to successful behavior. Do this several times ( 10 - 20 ).

i) Think of something you have done successfully or well.
ii) What did you like about what you did or how you did it? That is, what is pleasing or satisfying about how or what you did?
iii) What positive, valuable qualities, traits or attributes is this an example of?
iv) Watch a movie of yourself behaving in the way that demonstrates this attribute, and as you do describe yourself as having the attribute.

D) Building New Positive Attributes

New positive attributes can be built by mentally rehearsing behaviors that are in alignment with and evidence for the attributes.

i) Select an attribute that you want to acquire. You listed some of these in step 1, or you can choose another one that comes to mind now.

ii) Think of a behavior that would naturally expresses that attribute.

iii) Now specify the behavior.

iv) When, Where and in what situations do you want to have this behavior?

v) Think of someone that does the behavior well. This can include yourself if you have done this behavior before, someone you know or have observed, someone from television or a movie, a character in a book, etc. Even an animal, or metaphor can be used for this.

vi) In your mind's eye, run a movie of the model doing the behavior in a similar or even the same situation to where you want this behavior. As you run the movie pay attention to details of movements, words and sounds.

v) Evaluate the role model's behavior. Is it what you want? If not make any changes to the "mental movie" until you are completely satisfied with the behavior.

vi) Now, run a mental movie in which you see yourself doing the behavior you just watched your role model do.

vii) Evaluate your behavior. Is it what you want? Are you totally satisfied with how you acted in the movie? If not, make whatever changes are necessary and appropriate in what you see yourself doing. If necessary you could also cycle back to earlier steps, even choosing another behavior or attribute.

viii) Step into (associate into) the movie and experience actually doing the behavior, seeing what you would see from your eyes, hearing and feeling what you experience as you take these actions.

ix) Evaluate your experience of actually doing the behavior. Is it what you want? If not, make the appropriate adjustment and repeat any necessary steps.

x) Identify a future situation in which you desire this new behavior. Imagine being in this future situation, doing the desired behavior.

xi) Evaluate the experience in the future situation and make any necessary adjustments.

xii) Think of another future context similar to the previous one, and experience being inside the future experience responding fully. If the behavior is installed, you will somewhat automatically imagine your self doing the behavior. But don't work at, just imagine the situation and notice what you want to do. If it's not there back up and redo any steps. Also, pay attention to the vividness of the movie, and adjust the "cinematic qualities" to make it more lifelike.

Repeat this sequence for other behaviors needed to establish full identification with the positive attribute, as well as for other behaviors needed to establish full identification with other positive attributes that you want to strengthen or acquire.

Step 3. Generalizing the experience of personal worthiness to extend across contexts and through time

A. Create A Compelling Positive Future

1. Make a list of the ways you have improved from the past to the present

2. How can you improve into the future? Think of several ways.

3. Rank yourself from 1 to 10 (where 10 is ideal, and possible) of yourself in the present, including all aspects of who you are as a person.
a) Where you live
b) Your Home life
c) Your Personal Relationships
d) your Career
e) Your Health and Fitness
f) Your Finances
g) Your Appearance
h) Your Skills, Knowledge, Intelligence, and Creativity
i) Your level of Contribution
j) etc.

4) Rank yourself in those same areas 5 years ago

5) How has your behavior, things you have done contributed to creating your present reality, present self, and present circumstances.

6) Imagine ways you would now be worse off had you behaved in ways that were VERY inappropriate.

7) What else could you have done, other than what you actually did, over the last 5 years that would have resulted in your present reality being better than it is. These must be behaviors and actions that you could have taken - not acts of GOD, luck, generosity of others, or fortunate circumstances.

8) Now, construct a full vivid and exquisitely detailed representation of yourself older - 5, 10, or 20 years into the future.

9) Step into that future, feeling how it feels and experiencing what it's like to be that older you.

10) Look back at your present self.

11) Step back to the present, and ask your future self what he or she most wants from you now to ensure that your future experience will be high quality and that your future well-being will be ensured.

12) Create 2 representations of the future, the first being five years from now containing experiences and situations that you really do NOT want. The second being five years from now containing experience and situations that you really DO want.

13) What behaviors would lead to your NOT wanted future? Make sure that you really get that they are DANGEROUS to your future well being.

14) Think of the future that you DO WANT. How can you make that happen? or if you don't yet know, How can you LEARN to make that happen? Your answers here need to be things that you do, not things that rely on luck, etc.

Generate Daily Evidence of Being Worthwhile

1. Identity 4 behaviors that you do on a daily basis (no matter how insignificant they may seem) that are demonstrations of positive attributes.

2) What are the positive attributes that are demonstrated by each behavior? For Example: Showering and brushing your teeth might be evidence that you are clean and well-groomed.

3) Identify 4 behaviors that you do NOT do on a daily basis.

4) How does NOT doing each of these 4 behaviors demonstrate positive qualities.

5) Imagine how these behaviors will you and others experiencing a desirable, positive future, and are therefore a way to treat yourself and others well through time.

6) Choose 1 new behavior to adopt that will be useful to you in terms of your self concept. This can be either a Do or a NOT Do behavior.

7) Make a ritual of reviewing these behaviors on a daily basis so you can be sure you live up to your own standards. This will reaffirm your self-worth because the behaviors are evidence of your positive qualities.

8) Now, generate a representation of the future these behaviors will lead to. Do this for each of the "do" and "don't do" behaviors.

C. Access Strong Feelings of Worthiness.

One way to do this is to imagine looking through the eyes of someone who loves you.

D - Experience Worthiness Across Contexts

Use the technique of Anchoring to take feelings of personal worth, resourcefulness, confidence, self - acceptance, self - appreciation, and self-celebration into situations which were previously intimidating, invalidating or threatening to your self esteem.

Step 4 - Establish criteria, limits and outcomes for how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you.

A - Empowering Yourself

A. Identify 4 situations where you could find yourself being intimate

B. 4 situations in which you could find yourself being social

C. 4 situations in which you could find yourself being professional

D. 4 situations in which you could find yourself being with others in public that you don't know - for instance a clerk, or next to someone in line.

E. For each of these situations use anchoring from Step 3-D to be sure you have feelings of self esteem attached.

F. For each situation, identify 5 - 7 examples of what you would NOT permit someone to do to you.

G. Specify how you would take care of yourself if you were mistreated in any of the ways you identified. Do this for each situation and possible mistreatment. Draw on your positive attributes to create positive and useful responses to mistreatment that also serve to prevent a re-occurrence of the mistreatment. Mentally Rehearse (anchoring if necessary) your responses.

H. For each situation identify ways you do want to be treated. What behaviors can you manifest that will help ensure that you will be treated in those ways?

Taking Care

1) What would you NOT do to someone whose well-being was dependent on you? Why wouldn't you do those things?

2) See yourself as the person you wake up with everyday

3) Remember, no one's well being is more dependent on you, than this person - yourself.

4) What won't you ever do to yourself, and why?

5) What opportunities won't you deny yourself? Why?

6) Identify all of the good things you will do for yourself from now on, and why.

C- Values Clarification

Do the Values Clarification exercise for

1) Life
2) Romantic Relationships / Marriage
3) Family Relationships
4) Social Relationships / Friendships
5) Career
6) Finances
7) Health

Values Clarification

1. Come up with 5 to 10 answers to the question, "What is most important to me in _______?"

2. Of these that you have listed, what is most important, 2nd, 3rd, etc.

3. How do you know when you have / are each value? What has to happen in order to know you are ____?

4. Does your evidence serve you? Is it easy or hard to fulfill? Is it appropriate?

5. Create a new definition for each Value that is easy to meet, that empowers you, and that is appropriate.

6. Reconsider the priority rank.

7. Are there any conflicts between your values where it feels like you have to choose? Consider what would it be like to have Both A and B? You may also need to do the parts integration technique and heal the memory of the time you decided you couldn't have both.

8) For each value, ask Why do I want value ?

9) If any of these why answers reference a negative experience, or an experience you seek to avoid, heal the past memories that the decision to avoid them was a response to.

10) Repeat steps 1 - 9 until you have integrated all conflicts in your values about this topic.

Step 5 - Future Pace The Benefits

A. Build a representation of yourself in a future in which you have NOT taken care of yourself, and let others treat you badly over the years. Realize it is possible, if you let it, for things to actually, really get unacceptably bad. The way to avoid this negative future is to treat yourself well through time.

B. Set the negative future aside.

C. Build a rich and full representation of the future in which you have taken care of yourself in all regards and been treated well by others. Step into and fully experience what this is like, and how it feels. Now, look back to the present and notice the many things you did that were important and significant in bring to this desirable experience.

D. Future Pace your behavior using mental rehearsal and anchoring so that you will experience making progress toward this desired future as you carry out your chosen behaviors.